


The Shape of Tomorrow

by matchsticks_p (matchsticks)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:23:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matchsticks/pseuds/matchsticks_p
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny is a constant in Zayn's life, like his parents and his hometown, like his secret fears, like hunger. Zayn remembers a time before Danny, but he knows there will never be a time after Danny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shape of Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for the long note, but I realise that this fic might feel a bit weird since I'm writing about friends of a celebrity who aren't necessarily celebrities themselves. I wanted to draw clear lines. I think of this story as an AU where irl girlfriends never happened. Much thanks to junkshop_disco for Brit-picking and also just for being great. 
> 
> I neither claim nor believe the following story to be true in any way. If you found this through googling your own name, please click the back button or at least recognise that this wasn't intended to be read by you. This is a work of fiction for fan entertainment only, and depicts personas rather than people.

Danny is a constant in Zayn's life, like his parents and his hometown, like his secret fears, like hunger. Zayn remembers a time before Danny, but he knows there will never be a time after Danny.

He's fifteen when Danny gives him his first blowjob. They're sitting on Zayn's bed staring blankly at their maths textbooks, and Zayn is thinking about closing his curtains because a hot patch of sun is slowly burning his knee. Danny lays his hand right over that knee and kisses him. 

They've kissed before, because they were little and wanted to do a grown-up thing, and then because they thought they'd better practice before they had to do it for real, and then because it just felt good. But they've never unzipped each other's flies before, and it's not quite surprising but it's still enough for Zayn to ask why when Danny's fingers slide into the slit in his briefs. 

"I'm too good of a friend to let you turn sixteen without ever getting your dick wet," Danny says. He doesn't look away from Zayn's eyes as he says it, like he isn't embarrassed, like it isn't completely weird.

Zayn has never worried about losing his virginity and he's never worried about what it would take to impress a girl. Which probably goes some way toward explaining why he lets Danny slide his jeans down his hips.

Like the kissing, it feels good. 

Like the kissing, they keep doing it.

Zayn comes top of the class in English and barely passes maths. Danny keeps coming over to study with him well into the summer holidays. Sometimes he brings his brother, Ant, and the three of them play Xbox and spill Red Bull all over the notes they lay out with good intentions. Sometimes he doesn't bring his brother and it's just him and Zayn, alone in Zayn's room, the curtains drawn against the sun.

Zayn's mum is never quite sure what to make of Danny. Mostly, she thinks he's a good brother and a good friend and a good Muslim boy. But she also thinks maybe they keep the door closed too often when they're in Zayn's room alone together, even though they never close it when Ant is there as well. She's tempted to enter without knocking one of these days, the pretense of tea and biscuits in hand, but she doesn't.

Because Zayn has the kind of parents who share so much that they start to share minds, Zayn's dad knows the same temptation to step in. He doesn't do it either, but one hot afternoon, between taking Zayn to pick up kulfi for the whole family and listening to Zayn talk about seeing a film with Danny, he can't help saying, "Be careful."

Zayn doesn't know if he means be careful not to get hurt or be careful not to get caught or be careful not to drop the kulfi as he pulls it out of the freezer.

Zayn's dad is always telling him to be careful, but it's funny because Zayn's dad is also always encouraging him to take risks. Zayn's dad drives him to the X Factor audition one bleary nervous morning and pretends not to hear him when Zayn panics for a moment and begs him to stop the car.

The world spins a lot faster after the morning his dad doesn't stop the car.

He's never lived away from home before, and then he's at the X Factor house, with four boys who feel as awkward as he does but try to hide it by pressing in close around him. They talk about sex, of course. They talk about sex a lot, trading stories and comparing, and Zayn doesn't say anything about Danny but he doesn't say anything about much so it doesn't feel like he's deliberately leaving something out. 

He's never performed on live television before, he's never been on a tourbus before, he's never had a dressing room before, he's never been inside a recording studio before, he's never looked out into the darkness beyond the blinding stage lights and known that there are thousands of people waiting to hear him before. And between all of these firsts, there are quick visits home to the familiar sounds of Danny and Ant bickering over who's hogging the toilet in the morning, the familiar smell of Danny's sweat at night, the familiar taste of his mother's breakfast when he sheepishly slips in through the kitchen after another night spent at the Riach's and she just sighs. 

When Zayn asks Danny to move in with him, he doesn't actually ask Danny to move in with him. He just says, "It wouldn't make sense to have a house if it's empty all the time."

They fuck in every room of the new place, including the unfinished cellar, before Zayn leaves on yet another tour.

He's never been to Australia or America before, and then he's a different city every night, with Liam and Harry and Niall and Louis. 

The world is huge. It takes a long time to tour it. He Skypes with his sisters a bit and with Ant a lot. He Skypes with Danny, and they spend probably a weirdly large amount of time not saying anything, just looking at each other. Zayn likes to look around behind Danny, at the familiar posters hanging on Danny's bedroom walls and sometimes at the walls of his own bedroom, depending on where Danny's sitting that night. Danny does the same, taking in the details of every hotel room Zayn stays at.

Zayn doesn't always have a room to himself, and even when he does the lads don't always let him keep it to himself. He's sitting up in bed, back against the headboard, legs stretched long in front of him under the sheets. Harry lies draped across them, passed out, using his thigh as a pillow. He groans and refuses to budge when Zayn's laptop starts ringing and Zayn tries to kick him away.

"I have to answer this," Zayn tells him.

"Don't care," Louis answers for Harry, flopped like a starfish near the foot of the bed and also refusing to open his eyes or move. 

Zayn gives up and clicks on the button to pick up the call. He says hi, and then he looks. 

Danny's in his own room, at his desk. He's left the door open behind him and Zayn can see a bit of the hallway. "I ate the last of your pistachios, sorry," Danny says, finally breaking their customary silence.

"It's fine."

Silence, and the sound of Louis pretending to snore while he eavesdrops.

"So what time is it in...wherever you are?"

"Connecticut. Late. What time is it at home?"

Danny rubs his eyes. "Early." 

"You should go back to sleep after," Zayn suggests.

"What about you? You going out after?"

"Nah, too tired. I'm already in bed."

They fall into silence again, and then Danny yawns and says, "Just looking at you makes me feel tired for you. Go to sleep."

"Okay. Call me tomorrow?"

Danny snorts and doesn't bother to answer.

Zayn bites his lip and thinks about saying 'I miss you' but ends up just being quiet again, until Danny snorts at him once more and ends the call for both of them without saying goodbye.

" _Jesus_ ," Harry says, muffled against Zayn's leg. "You should just bring him out here, you daft bastard."

"Seriously," Louis chimes in. "The force of your longing nearly knocked me off the bed."

Zayn really does knock him off the bed for that, with a hard nudge of his foot. 

First thing next morning, he books Danny a ticket to meet them in New York.

They get there before Danny does, and for once it's Zayn waiting at the airport gates for Danny and not the other way around. The boys all come with him for no reason that was made clear, and when Zayn greets Danny with a hug Louis gets them all to pile in and turn it into a group hug. Danny laughs at them, and for the first time since the tour started Zayn feels something other than vaguely uneasy.

After they all have dinner together, the boys start discreetly separating themselves from Zayn and Danny. 

"We're just going to go ahead to the hotel," Liam says. "We'll meet you back there, yeah?"

Zayn glances at Danny just in case he wants to turn in early after the long flight. Danny says, "No way, man. It's New York City; of course there's stuff I want to do."

"What do you have planned?" Niall teases, "A romantic carriage ride through Central Park, just like in the movies?"

"Actually, yes. Why, is it too cliché?" 

"Oh. Um. No, not too cliché," Niall backpeddles. "It sounds nice. Very...nice."

Zayn ducks to hide his grin. The others haven't been around Danny enough to know that when he says something in all seriousness, it usually means he's taking the piss.

"Very nice indeed," Louis joins in. "Maybe it'll get cold after dark and you can put your jacket around Zayn's shoulders. And then you can yawn and pretend to stretch and put your arm around him too. And then you can meet him at the top of the Empire State Building and quote _Sleepless in Seattle_ at each other. And maybe—"

"It sounds lovely," Liam says firmly. "Take your time. We'll see you at the hotel whenever you get back."

Danny watches until Liam has herded them all away, then turns to Zayn and says, "'It sounds lovely'? Who even says 'lovely'?"

"Liam does. Liam is lovely, you leave him alone." Zayn knocks roughly into Danny's shoulder with his own. "So, where did you want to go?"

It turns out Danny wasn't kidding about the carriage through Central Park. 

It's not a horse-drawn carriage, but [Danny hails them a cycle rickshaw](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2ks8ocgm51rssuauo1_500.png) and Zayn turns off his iPhone and isn't tempted to even peek at it for the whole ride.

They end up near one of the playgrounds at Central Park, nostalgia pulling them toward the swings. It's late enough that there are no more kids out playing. They sit on the swings facing opposite directions, the way they used to when they were teenagers, after dark, sneaking alcopops onto the playground and acting like they were so hard, like they wouldn't have died from shame if they had been caught. They're still teenagers, technically, but it feels like an era past. And they still act like they're hard even though their hearts pound at the thought of getting caught. Only now the rush of blood feels like a good thing.

Danny dares him to crawl into one of the plastic tunnels with him for a quick grope. Zayn squeezes into the tight space with him and kisses him once, quickly, close-mouthed.

"Oh come on, you wuss."

"I can't. What if someone sees?"

"There's no one around."

"There's always someone around."

Danny huffs a laugh against the crook of his neck. "You've changed, Malik. You used to be daring."

"No I didn't."

Zayn can feel Danny's smiling when he bites at the soft skin of his throat.

They end up making out anyway, because they're nineteen years old and they're in New York, New York, and the world doesn't exist outside of the bright red plastic walls around them.

Zayn wakes up the next morning to the sound of his bandmates shouting and footsteps running up and down the hallway outside. Danny isn't in his bed, or on the sofa bed that he ostensibly would have slept on if he hadn't been sleeping in Zayn's bed.

He gets sprayed in the face with a squirt gun when he opens the door to see what's going on.

"Shit, sorry babe, thought Danny ran back into your room to hide." Harry wipes ineffectually at the water dripping off Zayn's face.

"I was hiding behind the potted fern, you knob," Danny says, appearing behind Harry's back and shooting him point blank in the back of the head with his water gun. He holds the trigger down until his whole tank is drained, and Harry has run off shrieking about wreaking horrible revenge, you mark his words. 

"That was...excessive."

"I was avenging you," Danny says. He dabs a droplet of water from Zayn's cheek with his thumb.

"My hero," Zayn says, rolling his eyes. He yawns and thinks he'll probably go back to bed.

"You're a legend," Danny laughs. "Cold water to the face first thing in the morning and you're still going to sleep in."

Somewhere down the hallway, around the corner, Harry's voice says "CHARGE!!" and four pairs of feet start pounding toward them.

"I think I'm about to be ambushed, so you should go back inside." Danny walks Zayn backward through the door and closes it. "I'll come get you for lunch," he calls through the door, before the sounds of whooping and yelling and water splashing drown him out.

"I like Danny," Louis tells Zayn, after. After, when Danny's back in London and Zayn's back to having long, silent Skype sessions. "He's great."

"I know he is," Zayn says.

When the tour finally ends, Zayn spends a few days not talking to anyone, not even Ant or Danny or his sisters. He just sleeps and smokes and waits for it to feel like it's ended.

He resurfaces on a Wednesday, goes out for lunch with Ant and sits on the railings around the restaurant's patio when they pop out for a smoke after.

"We should go on holiday," Ant says, blowing his smoke away from Zayn's face even though Zayn's got a lit cigarette in his own fingers.

"Okay," Zayn says, and doesn't ask where.

He should tell Ant that he's fucking his brother, probably, but it's not something you can just blurt to your best friend because it's always been the three of them, like musketeers. So he lets Ant drive them all to Hull to see the water and Zayn sits in the front the whole way while Danny sleeps stretched across the back seat. 

They go to the aquarium, and try not to look too much like three young men who have nothing cooler to do than go to the aquarium in the middle of summer. 

Later in the afternoon, Zayn and Danny tell Ant to keep looking at the sharks while they go to get food. They run to the toilets to give each other quick and dirty handjobs, cocks through the flies of their jeans, biting at each other's mouths to smother their moans, just for the thrill of it. It ends up taking forever to sneak back out because Zayn doesn't want any kids to see them leave the same stall. Danny hands a sandwich to his brother and tells him the line for the canteen was really long.

Sometimes, Zayn worries that he might actually love Danny for more than just his rather spectacular abs and the fact that he's known him since before time began. Maybe he loves the way Danny's tall enough to rest his chin on the top of Zayn's head, if he ducks while they're hugging. Maybe he loves the way Danny leaves little finger-shaped bruises between his ribs and doesn't ever apologise. Maybe he loves that Danny always says he's not going to let him sleep in, but then always ends up not waking him before noon when he really wants to.

When they realise that Zayn's going to have to leave for tour again in a few weeks, they fuck two, three times a day, until they're sore with it. 

Right before he leaves, Ant asks if Zayn's cross with him or something because he doesn't seem to want to hang out as much lately, or avoids situations where it'll be the three of them all together. Zayn promises he isn't. He doesn't mean to but then he cracks and says maybe he's with Danny. That's the way he says it—"with". Not "fucking," not "dating"—with. 

Ant processes the news in silence and Zayn feels like he has to say, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

"It's...you're still my best friend. It doesn't change anything. I'm sorry."

"Don't ever be sorry," Ant says, fiercely.

Zayn's parents offer to drive everybody when they finally have to see him off at Heathrow, so that Ant and Danny will have a lift back. They tell him to take care and be safe, and his mum kisses his cheeks but his dad shakes his hand like he's a man.

When they're as close to the security gates as they're allowed to go, Ant hugs Zayn and Danny hugs Zayn, and then Ant makes Danny kiss Zayn before they all say goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> first posted to livejournal on August 26, 2012


End file.
